Trust (31/05/08)

She'd overreacted. Again.

And, of course, Null couldn't stay away. He never followed her when she wanted to be followed.

"Go away. I don't want to see you."

And still...

...he sat down. Stubborn oaf.

"Why are you so persistent?"

"I don't want to do this now."

There they were again; those apologetic eyes of his. She both loved and hated them.

Sebille sighed.
"Fine. I was being childish. Never said I was mature, anyway..."

There was a silence during which Null just kept looking straight at her.

"Now... do I want to know who you gutted? No, I do not. But I'd like to know when you're going to go do some gutting, because nothing is worse than not knowing. And this isn't the first time I'm telling you this."

It certainly wasn't. She didn't know how many time's she'd need to say this to him before he'd get it. She was running out of patience with it.

He looked away and spoke very quietly.
"I'm protecting you from it all."

"Well, maybe I don't want to be protected like that anymore. Maybe I want to be involved, because otherwise I'll always be left out and feel like an outsider. I am not a child, Null."

He looked straight into her eyes.

"There's pain and ugly death...You don't need that."

"See, that's where I think you're wrong. I could take it all with you. You just don't trust me enough to let me."

Okay, she might not like to be involved that much, but right now she felt that it couldn't be worse than how things were now. She loved Null, but he refused to let her into his life. To an even part of it..

Sebille turned away, feeling somewhat desperate for something that Null hadn't given her yet.
"I feel like a concubine"

"Someone that's there when you want her to be. Someone that isn't trusted with anything important."


Just who is he protecting her from?

"No, I won't. I'm leaving, see how you feel like being left alone."

In a fraction of a second she was back on the bed. She obviously wasn't getting anywhere.

This was really a bad habit of his, wasn't it.

Well, Sebille wasn't having any of it. He might be stronger but she knew how to hit it where it hurts. (Well, kind of.)

Null held her arms down, so she lifted up her knee and pushed it quite roughly against his bruise. Null flinched ever so slightly but didn't let go, or lose his posture.
"Stop that."

"How about you let me go, and then I stop that?"
" ..."

She didn't appreciate being pushed around when her consent wasn't in it.

Null pulled his hands from her, again saying 'sorry' with his eyes. Sebille clearly wasn't the only temperamental person in this room.

"A little trust is all I ask..."

He bend down, hiding his eyes from her and Sebille knew he wouldn't cave in.
Not yet, not possibly ever.

"You're not going to give me that much, are you?"

Maybe it was time for her to cut him loose...

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